Thirst Trap: Too Black, Too Strong
Why won’t Hollywood give us the Black thirst traps we deserve?
Approaching my fifties has freed me to publicly express what I’ve always been in private: a thirsty old slag. The thing is, before online dating moved into the mainstream, I entirely enjoyed men as a concept. As individuals, they have been nothing but a source of disappointment in my life. Once I removed myself from the dating pool, I decided to channel my proclivity for charismatic, unattainable men into celebrity objectification. It’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with my abandonment issues, but it’s certainly been a lot more satisfying.
When it comes to Thirst Traps, I am an EOE — an equal opportunity enjoyer; still, I recognized the need to de-colonize some of my feelings about Black men. I partially blame Hollywood for frequently regulating Black actors to bland secondary roles and negative stereotypes. We get maybe one or two Black male heartthrobs per decade who enter the mainstream as a box office draw and remain there. Idris Elba is arguably one of the sexiest men alive, and yet, like Denzel Washington, he has only a handful of roles where he is cast in a leading role as the romantic interest. You might also notice the leading women in these roles are usually white because Black actors in both leading roles would make it a “Black” film, and of course, those never do well at the box office (hard eye roll.)
At least Black Panther (2018) was a huge step forward in presenting Chadwick Boseman, Winston Duke, and Daniel Kaluuya as attractive, heroic leads with complex personalities. Nevertheless, Michael B. Jordan is the only actor of this era under 40 years old who Hollywood consistently casts in major motion pictures as a romantic lead. Black actors have to be versatile enough to play street thugs or the most powerful person in the room. But very rarely are they cast as they should be: the sexiest.
There is no shortage of smoking-hot Black and Black-biracial actors who stifle their fire under the weight of ineffectual supporting roles to white male leads. Gee, I wonder why more Black actors aren’t actively presented as sex symbols in television and movies? (I’ll give you a hint: it’s the racism.)
Aldis Hodge
Aldis Hodge is my top pick for leading man material from his role as the ultimate computer hacker, Alec Hardison, on the USA Network TV series Leverage (2008–2012). Then, he was cast in a few supporting roles until they put him in Underground (2016–17), playing a goddam runaway slave. You’d think someone over there might have read the room after electing the most racist president since Andrew Johnson. I’m still rooting for Aldis. Maybe not enough to pay Showtime just to watch City on the Hill, but I’ll keep rooting for him.
John David Washington
Yes, this former football running back is Denzel Washington’s son. And as you can see, the snack doesn’t fall far from the tree. It was hard to find him under that big-ass afro in Black KKKlansman (2018) and away from the acting prowess of Adam Driver. Will he be able to capitalize on his family legacy in Christopher Nolan’s Tenet (2020), or is he the next breakout star destined to play another useless, goofy dad? Inquiring minds want to know.
Trevante Rhodes
Hello, do you remember Calvin Klein’s ad campaign featuring all the stars of Moonlight (2016)? CAUSE I SURE DO! Man, after all the hype and accolades that movie got, I really thought we’d be seeing him everywhere. I can’t believe his next significant role was saving Sandra Bullock and those nameless little white kids in Netflix’s Birdbox (2018). I just knew they wouldn’t let a Black man who looks that good make it to the end of the movie 😭😭😭.
Jesse Williams
This woke bae of Swedish, Black, and Seminole ancestry has been playing Dr. Jackson Avery on Grey’s Anatomy since 2009. Regretfully, I cannot speak on the merits of his character because my heart never recovered from the death of Denny Duquette, and I had to stop watching the show. Ten years on prime-time TV and not a single career-changing film credit for this delectable dewdrop? Is Shonda Rhimes the only one looking out for us?
Eka Darville
This Australian, bronzed Adonis was a Power Ranger before landing the role of Malcolm Ducasse on the Netflix Marvel series Jessica Jones (2015–19). He is way too good-looking for his character to be such a punk ass bitch. He spent three seasons as a recovering drug addict, a fuckboi, and a corporate sell-out. Shit. Everybody on this show was pretty despicable. I guess I really can’t hold it against him.
Regé-Jean Page
Try to judge this British-Zimbabwean actor from his role as Chicken George in the Roots (2016) reboot rather than his role as dreadlocked Captain Khora in Mortal Engines (2018). Whoo! That movie was a flop! Whenever I see him suited up on the red carpet, I have no problem seeing him as the next James Bond. I can’t wait for Bridgerton, an upcoming Netflix series from Shonda Rhimes based on the best-selling historical romance novels. She just keeps on giving. Oooh, that British accent gonna leave the panties on the floor!
O-T Fagbenle
This British-Nigerian actor plays the husband of Elizabeth Moss in Hulu’s TV adaptation of The Handmaid’s Tale. His face would also be the only thing keeping me alive on this show because the dystopia is feeling a little too relatable these days. It’s good enough to make some of that MCU money in Black Widow coming out in 2020. Will he be a villain or an ally? Because I wouldn’t mind seeing him kick Scarlett Johansson’s ass for a minute before she has to kill him.
Henry Simmons
Simmons plays Alphonso “Mack” MacKenzie, the undeniable voice of moral authority on NBC’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. (2014-). He’s about to turn 50 and is looking even better than he did on NYPD Blue (2000–2005). They took this tall, beautiful, muscular actor and consistently made his character the weakest link on the whole entire team. Instead of kicking ass and taking names as he should be, he spends most of the show brooding, wasting time, and looking extremely concerned. Such a colossal waste of hotness. I still get mad just thinking about it.
Those are just a few Thirst Traps currently working that are being overlooked and underplayed. Meanwhile, they got aging white leading actors looking like a broken-down box of rocks playing leading men opposite women half their age. Why can’t we get more Omari Hardwick, Shemar Moore, Michael Ealy, Morris Chestnut, or Boris Kodjoe, preferably wearing less? And what the hell happened to Daniel-motherfucking-Sunjata? Can you imagine if he had played Batman with those full, luscious lips? I would absolutely die.
So that’s it. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. It’s really no surprise that Hollywood continues to send a clear message that white men belong in leading roles despite audiences repeatedly proving that movies with Black leads can sell just as well when handled correctly. And isn’t it strange that as soon as any Black actor begins to get too much attention or accolades, they seem to fall off the edge of the Earth? I’m curious to see the trajectory of these actors’ careers in the next five years. Maybe the success of Black Panther has finally started to break the mold. I can’t wait to see Mahershala Ali as the new Blade. Gurl. I can pre-emptively feel the heat emanating from the screen.
Stay thirsty, my friends! I’ll see you at the movies.
